Tough love

Sometimes I go back in time and wonder why. I just want to grab him by the collar and have him answer all these questions that I have. Especially why he ever told me he loved me. Because I did something very stupid when he did. I believed him. And that foolishness has led to all this pain I feel. All these months, I complained about how it was hard to let go because I didn't have anything to blame him for. How I didn't have a reason to resent him. But I do. I can blame him for ever happening to me and I can hate him for making me fall in love with him. I can. But I won't. Because it was good while we had it. Its worth all the pain and all those tears. Its even worth all those crazy moments when I hallucinate him in front of me or make up conversations with him in my head. It's hard right now. Harder than what I could ever imagine it to be but the fact remains that he found her. He found the one who makes him go weak in his knees, the one face he wants to see every morning for the rest of his life. It is tough to come to terms with it, but that won't change a thing. All I can do  is to hope that this agony is a phase and believe that we really weren't meant to be and someone else will come along who'll settle for this face of mine to see everyday. I'll make him go jelly, alright.